Once there was a man who came to me and asked me to be his coach. He wanted to center his coaching goals around living his happiest life. When I began to ask him what his definition of happiness is, he said it is to be rich; to have a lot of money. As his coach, I was worried because I thought that what happiness looks like to him is totally wrong. But with time I learned that I was wrong. Why? Because as his coach, my role is to facilitate his journey, not project judgement. During this season of his life, financial success might define happiness to him, and that’s okay. It is not my place to judge or change that.
This blog post are all about helping your to release your addiction to judgement, learn to be more positive than negative, and transform the way you interact with yourself and others.
HOW TO RELEASE YOUR ADDICTION TO JUDGMENT:
- Catch yourself wanting to be right. No one has ever felt happy proving they are right. Before verbally communicating your stance, catch yourself at your thought. Remind yourself that everyone is entitled to their own perspective based on their personal life experience. Then, ask yourself: Am I really right?
- Refrain from qualifying things as good or bad, right or wrong. Let there be areas of grey when it comes to how you see people or perceive situations. Let it simmer and sink in before you define it. Defining it makes it permanent while keeping it grey keeps is temporary.
- Affirm for yourself that everyone is equal. We all came from nothing and will return to nothing. People might appear more successful, beautiful, smart than you, or they might perceive you that way. Keep in mind that the most successful people in life had to start somewhere!
- Take people at face value. Formulate your thoughts and conclusions based on how they treat you and speak to you in person – take it as face value. Don't judge yourself behind closed doors and begin making assumptions that Sally is thinking or saying “this or that”!
- Be self-aware. Why is it that we feel a connection with someone who agrees with us? Because we feel validated by their presence. Be aware of not choosing friends because they validate you by agreeing with you – rather be aware of spending time with people who are there to support and encourage you without the expectation of validation and security.
The more you apply of this all, the less your need will be to be judgemental. It’s like training a muscle. Your mind becomes quieter, you feel more empathy and your perception widens. You lose your obsession with definitions, labels, descriptions, evaluations and judgement.
I want to leave you with these three questions to ask yourself. Use them as a mantra when you find yourself in a place of judgement!
- Which choice is more loving?
- What will bring peace for me?
- Am I acting out of trust or distrust?
Gabi Bernstein says that [t]he root cause of all judgment is the fear of not being good enough, not being worthy of love, and not being safe. May these tips help you overcome any fears you might be harbouring so that you can step into your life as a bright and bold light! Let me know if you liked this blog post. Feel free to share it with your loved ones!
Have you seen my latest #HappyMediumHabits video? STOP WITH THE OPINIONS AND CONQUER CONFLICT speaks to the topic of judgment and how we have been trained to think instead of thinking for ourself. Go here to watch it! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJEMtA8cCDw&t=5s